Here's everything you always wanted to know about armadillo family life, but were afraid to ask.
On the last page we promised to tell you all about armadillo sex.
And you believed us, and immediately clicked right here.
Interesting. :-)
While we're all overcoming our embarrassment, what we can tell you is that armadillos do have an interesting family life.
The nine banded armadillo, the kind we have here in Florida, is one of the only mammals that almost always has 4 identical babies of the same sex. Closely related armadillo species in South America are the only other mammals that give birth this way.
Armadillo babies (more properly called pups) are just as ugly and stupid looking as their parents, except that they are pink colored and all slimy and stuff, which I suppose must make them oooh, wook at da widdle pupsie wabie babies, dey so veery cute!
Eleanor Storrs, a research scientist, explains her experiences raising armadillos in her interesting and informative article The Astonishing Armadillo, which was published in National Geographic.
She reports that although armadillos generally do poorly in captivity, and make lousy house pets, and are fairly smelly, they were easily house trained and never attempted to bite.
She tells a humous story of how her armadillos were nice and quiet during the day, but at night all hell would break loose and "she knocked over chairs, upended waste baskets, and slammed into anything that would make noise. "
In other words, careful research has now determined that armadillos are born directly into the teenage stage of their lifecyle.
Dinner Time
So OK, running down to the Humane Society to get a cuddly armadillo for your kids seems like not such a good idea.
But maybe you're thinking, "Well OK then, but can I eat them instead?"
Well, I don't know, you could be thinking something crazy like that. You are the looney web surfer who clicked here looking for details on armadillo sex, right? :-)
Actually, a lot of people do eat armadillos. In South America some people keep a number of armadillos around as edible house pets.
Nope, I didn't make that up.
I read it on Armadillo Online by Joshua Nixon, who appears to be the Net's leading authority on armadillos.
Joshua is working towards a PHD in Zoology at Michigan State University, and has prepared an excellent armadillo reference that offers quite a bit of really solid information, and a more intelligent sense of humor than you've found here.
Joshua tells us that during the Great Depression of the 1930's poor people sometimes ate armadillos, and called them "Hoover dogs" to express their unhappiness with the President in office when the Depression began.
Eleanor Storrs, the scientist we mentioned above, reports that armadillo tastes like "high quality pork".
You read it here first you rowdy armadillos, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT messing with Eleanor's waste baskets!
Dumb Armadillo Tricks
Now that we've got you all worked up thinking about what to cook for dinner, it's time to talk about road kill.
Yes, armadillos will eat dead animals along the side of the road. Think about that as you're telling your friends about how that exotic armadillo dinner you had while on vacation in Mexico tasted just like pork.
We can't blame the armadillo for this. A guy's gotta make a living somehow. No, eating roadkill is not the dumb armadillo trick.
Becoming roadkill, in a uniquely stupid way, that's the armadillo's special talent.
You see, armadillos usually do their foraging at night, when of course it's hard for drivers to see them.
And a foraging armadillo is a very focused and intent little guy, who may not see the oncoming car until it's right upon them.
But when the armadillo does finally realize that a car is going by right over head, they jump straight up into the air, pretty much guaranteeing that they will be hit by some part of the passing car.
Whoops.
And then the next armadillo comes along and says, "Hey, it tastes just like pork!"
As if jumping up into car bumpers wasn't dumb enough, it is also reported that armadillos in Texas and Louisiana love to eat fire ants.
In fact, The Astonishing Armadillo article reports that one researcher found "ten tarantulas, a scorpion, a small snake and a toad" in an armadillo's stomach. Ya want some hot sauce with that?
Armadillos As Super Heros
We've given our little friend Andy Armadillo kind of a ruthless ribbing here so far, but now it's time to get serious (really) and explain the great gift that the armadillo has given to mankind.
On the next and final page of this article we'll cut out all the stupid armadillo jokes and show the armadillo for the hero he really is.
And in the incredibly unlikely event you make it all the way to the end of this article we have a special honor and gift we want give to you as well.
Oh c'mon, you got this far, one more armadillo page isn't going to make you jump straight up into the air, is it?
